Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Meeting Mary Hartline

Mary Hartline.  Google that name real quick.  Okay are you back on this page after looking her up?  Excellent.  As you can tell Mary Hartline was a TV star in the 1950s.  She was the host (or more of a Vanna White) of a show called Super Circus and even had her own show The Mary Hartline Show.  She's had dolls and figurines made of her.  Amazingly, I am from the same little town as Miss Mary.

About two weeks ago she came into the gym I work and asked me a few questions.  I've read about the local celebrity before but wasn't able to recognize her when she was talking to me.  Luckily some members of the gym told me who she was!  I was shocked that at 84 years young she's still out and about driving herself in a vintage maroon convertible.

A couple days later she came in again and I told her that this time I knew who she was and that it was a pleasure meeting her.  About three days later she came in not even wanting to work out but to give me an autographed picture of her.  She had seen a picture of me in the local paper and was happy to see I'm a juggler.

The happiest little boy in the world AKA Pete the Juggler

Sunday, January 22, 2012

A convenient way to save time, money, and the planet.

I'm sure you're tired of know-it-all college kids, hippies, and Al Gore telling you to change your lifestyle in order to make the world a better place.  I have a polite proposal on how to make your everyday lifestyle more convenient and save the planet at the same time.  That proposal is... peeing in the shower.  Think about it!  You've probably already done it (just admit it!) once or twice yet didn't realize with every leak in the shower, you're conserving water, saving time, and even fighting fungus that can develop on the shower floor.

If you routinely wake up, take a piss, flush, and hop in the shower, I'm asking you to do one thing.  Hop in the shower, lather, rinse, repeat, etc, AND relieve your bladder.  It won't take any longer seeing as you will be lathering your handsome body in the finest of soaps and suds while also urinating.  You multitasker you!  I don't know about you (and it would be creepy if I did) but I pee like a racehorse in the morning.  A racehorse with a large bladder.  A racehorse that could put out the Chicago fire with his pee.  It would take me a whole 'nother minute in the bathroom if I was to stand in front of my toilet and do my business there.  If I had to wait for my shower to get warm after flushing the toilet it could take even longer.

Fun Fact: the longest time spent peeing is 508 seconds.  That's over eight minutes!

The average toilet flush uses 11 liters (3 gallons) of water.  Prices vary place to place but let's say you're from New Jersey (America's toilet).  Price per gallon is two cents.  Within a year you've saved $7.30!  May not sound like much but hey... that's Jersey.

Not only will it save time, money, and the planet.  It could also save you a "Who left the seat up?!" mystery in your household.  Now you get to say "Pee?!  Who me?  Couldn't be!  Then who?"  You'll rarely have to hear your significant other nag you about leaving the seat down and bruising her tush on the fine white toilet bowl and dipping her rump in the cold water.

I just find peeing in the shower extremely relaxing.  I feel the urge to pee as soon as the warm water hits my manly chest so why would I bother hopping out of the shower when I can just do it then and there and let it go down the drain?  (Also, has anyone noticed that peeing immediately after taking a shower makes the bathroom smell like wheat?  I've noticed it and a few people I know have as well.)

I leave you with these wise words:  "I don't mind if you pee in the shower, but only if you're taking a shower." - Marge Simpson.

Don't be a worthless peon, but a resourceful pee-er.  - Pete the Juggler